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20 and It's fading

Thursday, November 28, 2013

November 27, 2013 - Sobrang namangha ako sa araw na 'to kaya kailangan kong ishare.

"Iinvite lang sana kita sa pre-birthday celebration mo! Hahaha! XD"
Text sa'kin nung kaibigan kong alien. Ininvite nya ko sa sariling kong birthday party. Pre-Birthday Celebration. O diba? Andame nyang alam. Well, Kaya ko nga 'to kaibigan eh. November 26 palang nung nagtext siya kaya pwede pa 'kong humindi. Pero ang plano ko talaga ay magcelebrate ng Pre-Birthday sa 28. Which is matutulog lang ako, Oo, the whole day. Since may dumating na invitation na hindi ko naman mahindian.

Change of plans.
Magkikita kame sa may shell sa may Ayala. Nakarating ako ng dun ng 'di ko sinasabe sa kanya, iniisip ko kase kung saan sya manggagaling. tapos tineks ko na sya nung mahimasmasan na 'ko. Habang hinihintay ko s'ya, tinititigan ko naman ang sarili ko sa salamin. 

"Ang gwapo ko, syete. Nababakla na 'ko sa sarili ko. My goshh!"

Sabe nung lalake dun sa CR. Baliw ata. Nung nakita ko siyang tumatawid na sa kabilang kalsada. 'di ko na maitago 'yung ngiti ko. OMG! She's here. What to do?! What to do? tapos nakita ko 'yung panyo ko. sinubukang itakip sa mukha ko para di nya ko makita. pero too late na. Nakatawa na siya sa'kin.

Mukha lang talaga akong shongek nun. Gusto ko na naman itago 'yung sarili ko sa ilalim ng lupa. 
Naglakad kame papuntang sakayan pa-SM Aura. Tahimik lang kame. Ewan ko ba. Nagrereserve lang siguro kame ng boses namin kase magtutuos kame mamaya, paubusan ng kwento 'yun. It's been a while since the last time we have this kind of conversation.

Testing the waters moment in the bus on the way to SM Aura. 
Tease here and there. Laughs over our voices and smiles on our lips.We loved to do this. Really. And I'm so grateful for this moment. It's funny when we recall the first time we're in this place. I took my journal to see the date for myself and she took her phone to check on her notes. We argue about it and then think about what happened that day. We're crazee.

SM Aura Premiere
The next thing I know is we're walking inside the mall. Exchanging thoughts and stuffs on our heads. We first search for this dome called Samsung Hall. Yeng Constantino will have a concert there. I just want to check it out. and then we explore around. look for new stuffs and new things we can talk about. It's a long walkathon with this friend of mine.

When we came up in our senses. We finally sat comfortably in this pink and purple themed tea shop. a place, perfect for the two of us. As usual, we had a long time of conversation from topics ranging but are not limited to: School, Life and Chicken.

but when we're reminded of the main purpose of this weird-two-pair-gathering we started to express contemptuous laughter and massive irritation (on my part) towards what's happening. why? because it's..


The grand-tell-day is the day where we tell every thing, from the day her curiosity has been filled up and my cliffhanging needs to be continued. Questions had been raised and answers had been given. This day confronts a particular event: The Game, the Awesome game of mine. It is full of mystery and weirdness. and It really took my breath away from question number 1 to the sweet revelations afterwards. I feel humiliated as I answer those questions. I also find raging anger in her eyes, so I have no choice but to obey. I've never seen her like this before, and honestly, I want to punch her in the face then run for my life and hide with her in the remaining years of my existence.

But of course I didn't do that and I don't want to. See how the word 'Honestly' used? Anyone can use it without accessing it's meaning. but anyway. for about 4 hours, I think, we've been arguing happily and joyfully, in our seat. We also do some weird acts of weirdness in our speeches. aaand yes. we have an awesome question and answer portion with the participation of pen and paper. That's how unearthly we are somehow? And time runs faster that time.

Before leaving the teashop, she handed me something, a white-colored-box. Don't know what's inside but she said, I can only open it on my birthday. Soo much agony for the moment. We should end at Ayala Triangle, but we end up discovering some cool places in the mall. Such as the Samsung Hall on rooftop and its surroundings. Too bad it's raining but we appreciate the view from the top. It's amazing.

We continue our talks in the bus on our way home. It's a great day for my Pre-Birthday Celebration. Too good for me. So thankful. :)


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Birthday masterplan

Thursday, November 28, 2013

That moment when all the plans for the weekend have been cancelled.
Should I be sad or what? This weekend, I should be in 1 of the following places:

Star City

Enchanted Kingdom
SM Aura (Yeng's Concert)

It's a great day to spend my birthday tho, but I think I'll stick to the 1st plan that popped into my head months ago. Lemme share it to you.

On 28th, I'll be sleeping all day long.

On 29th, 

  • I'll woke up at 5am to jog at baywalk, bayanan and leave a note to my family
  • Explore the Sunken Garden and be amazed in God's wonderful creations
  • Festival Mall for my Birthday article
  • And I'll end in Madrigal Business Park
Loner type celebrant. Well?! Who cares?
I'm already blessed. Alone with God. Yipee. :)

but I don't think it will happened. You see, there are things due for tomorrow. 
still blessed by activities.


Patty @ 18

Thursday, November 28, 2013

"Tawa ng tawa sila sa inyo." - MamaDear, talking about the reaction of the individuals about my new sideline.

and no. no. no. I'm not a clown. I don't even look like one, but just like clowns, my new sideline involves a birthday party. :)

Today, I woke up with my un-snoozeable and living alarm clock, also known as my mom. She woke me up for 1 great reason: I have to. 
No, really, after my mom's raging shouts, I woke up. why she woke me up?
well, I have a meeting. A meeting with my childhood playmate and her cousin. we will be hosting a debut. a debut of their another cousin and my friend, also.


I'm quite confident about this 'cause I already host a debut earlier this year, and I did it alone and it has no program and it's on the spot. And if you ask me how was it. It was EPIC. Sooo Epic that it fails. but someone contradicts "It's not epic fail.. Galing mu nga eh. Impromptu. Haha. Nakss. Btw, that's a compliment" a close friend told me. To be honest, I want to host but I don't see any skills in hosting with me. So I set it aside.

and now. here I am talking to my new found friends about our plan, the program and some scripts. our brains mushed-up altogether for a purpose, to celebrate Patty's 18th with comedy and fun. And then we ate our breakfast at 11am, by the way we started the meeting around 9am.

We don't really have a script but we have assignments. we paste twists on the program and the common 18s. Here's what we come up with:

18 Gifts with Trivia Questions

18 Candles, Messages about good health and about study are strictly prohibited, anyone who will be found guilty must pay us hundreds.
18 Chocolates, We prepared crazy and obvious questions for the kids
18 Roses, every guy must have a pick up line before dancing with the debutante.

It was fun, although some of our jokes gone by wind, we still have faithful fans who stayed with us (thanks to my mom and my brother and our families). I'm so thankful with them. I'll never give you in detailed stuffs. Pictures were not yet uploaded. :(

In the end. still, I don't consider myself good in this field but I'm humbled by their response. I see that they've enjoyed the party and laugh about our lame jokes. I hope for more parties! :D

It happened last November 9.



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Feel The Love

Monday, November 25, 2013

"Happy Birthday Jebs. We love you. HAHA"

She told me this right before she leave. I totally not expecting those words from her. I mean, who would say that to me? Really?! This is so significant that I can't ignore and contain. The reason I'm posting this. LOL

I don't want to think if it's true or what. It will just complicate everything. but I want to feel the luvyes. feel the love. I want to close my eyes and repeat the scene again and again. Until it becomes a melody. It's music to my ears. 

What I learn from this is (1.) when you have something nice to say, say it.
why? You'll never know how your words will touch a person.
And (2.) Don't be afraid to say how much you love someone.
and (3.) You never really know who loves you. :))

Now, I'm wondering, does she think that I'll appreciate what she said?
or does she thought about this, that I'll be blogging about what she said?

well, we don't know.
what I know is I need to feel the luv.


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"Parang bestfriend na din kita eh."

Monday, November 25, 2013

"Parang bestfriend na din kita eh."

She told me during her birthday few months ago. and hearing words like that make my heart roar like a lion on the wild. I always think of 'bestfriend' and 'Jabes' are antonyms. I mean, it contradict everything. so for me, It's(best friend) a word type of present wrapped with love. ayi. much.

So anyway, I'm not gonna talk about it now. I'm going to share about what happened. After doing my "takas" to the elders. I went straight  right to Festival Mall. I met my friend outside the mall, where she told me so. We should go somewhere where we should be doing something important. but we end up talking over the stairs.

We talked about many things in life and I love the way how she viewed it. She relates movies and everything in life and God's participation in our journey in it.   She shares about many things at first and later I do almost all the talking. And I discover new thing about me. I love sharing and telling stories.

we also talked about our interrupted conversation few weeks ago. I really feel glad to have friends like her. Yey! I'm surrounded by awesome people. and I'm learning from them. really. Because if not. I'll never gonna blog about this. what will be the point right?

We stayed for about 2 hours just talking. and learning from each other (Okay. Let's just assume that she learned something from me) I really enjoy the 2 hours we had. but I feel guilty about someone. I assumed that she's busy. and there you gooo. She's not after all. too bad.

I really enjoy this day. So blessed and so equipped.


It's about Jesus!


Friday, November 22, 2013

I'm on an overhaul. yes. I'm trying to fix some things in my life.
Eliminating things that are not for me.
Taking things that are meant for me.
it may sound selfish but, let me be selfish for a while, besides it is in your mind only. I'm being selfish to be selfless. complex. right.

I'm re-creating. rebuilding. re-flaming my dreams. I lost it years ago. and I want it back. I want my life back. A life of dreams and wonders. I want m
y old point of view about life and what's ahead. and of course, with the help of God.

Pathetically speaking, in these past few years I've been shooting aimlessly. 

Now, I'll make sure it's bulls eye. I believe, I'm already equipped and I keep equipping myself with wisdom and knowledge.
It's time to put things into practice. and I already working on my Master Plan that I keep on rediscovering and re-overhaul-ing, depending on what God has planned. As I prayed before..

If Your plan is to make me realize the importance of planning, and making me plan for myself and later ruin it. I would be glad. It emphasized that You have better plans than I have. that I should stick to Your plan. And this time, I trust You.

So, I'm on an overhaul. As the dictionary said:

Over - Extending directly upward from
Haul - Pull or drag with effort or force

Pulling my life upside to its end and re-create dreams that God above planted in my heart.
And in association with this 'recreation' here's my new anthem. :))



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When November Came

Thursday, November 21, 2013

I've been trying to bring colors to my day. really! but then I realize that why should I?
why is it important to me to celebrate that day?

when November came, I wished for a night full of stars.

when November came, I set goals for myself.
when November came, plans after plans are rushing in my head.
when November came, I tried pouring meaning to my everyday.

maybe this is a wake up call.
maybe I'm just learning things.
maybe God set this altogether to reveal Himself to me.

I don't know. I'm not sure. and I'm always like this. I wonder how can I go on from this.

Somebody! Punch me in the face! Real hard! 


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A lonely stargaze

Monday, November 18, 2013

after of almost-half-a-month of raining every evening, I finally received my simple prayer for this month: cold and starry nights. but I have this problem. A one huge problem. I can't watch the night sky in our home. There are hindrances and I can't just look up all night, my neck might collapse.

I saw the beauty of the moon last Friday and It's so wonderful. I can't stop looking at it. It's so bright and it makes me wanna dance. and that split seconds of glance makes me decide that Saturday, I'll satisfy my desire. I went to baywalk right after the church practice. I want to talk to someone and spend the night under this huge sky.

But, I'm here. Alone. Watching the sky. those tiny white dots in the midst of darkness.
I tried talking to myself but I'm lost for words.
My hands under my head, I lie in the grass. I don't care if I'm alone. 'cause I'm not.
I want to spend this quiet evening with the Creator.

The extensive beauty in front of me symbolize the power and wonders of my God.
I know, He's here in the place where I'm lying in.
I'm know He's beside me. waiting for my talk.
this night makes me realize that everything else in this world is really senseless if not done for Him.

After drowning myself by the beauty of His creation. I know that there are lots of things I should be thankful for.
There are simple things around us that we take for granted. It's sad that we don't acknowledge such things.
maybe they're right, Its easy to see negative things than positive one.
For many of us were trained to focus on negative things and bad news.

If all things work together for good. maybe it is safe to say that bad things doesn't really exist.
maybe with some exception done by the evil ones.

This is a wonderful day.
The highlight?
The moon. The stars. The sky.
He keeps everything in tact for His glory. (sorry, I really have lots in my mind)
what a wonderful God.


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An Imaginary Placard

Saturday, November 16, 2013

"Thank you sa pagiging patient mo and for being a good listener kahit nonsense yung words ko." my friend told me the other day. and honestly, I'm touched. I can't explain the feeling but it makes me doubt. I was thinking of the meaning of a 'good listener'. "Am I qualified in the description?'' probably not, but this friend believed in and see it and feel it. Should I believe?

after split seconds of my minds argument about oneself, I recognized that I should leave it that way. Unanswered. why? I always want to listen to people rather than doing all the talking, I'd rather be quiet and be still while others are raging and telling their stories. I love stories. I love hearing those people share about their lives and eventually learn from them and from those stories.

and I realized that being labeled as a 'good listener' doesn't make me a good listener. being a good listener labeled me as one. (Hi complexity in explanation.) and I'm telling you this not to write an imaginary placard on your eyesight that whenever you see me there's something in me that says "talk to me, I'm a good listener". You see. I just love hearing stories. So I keep on asking. although sometimes I'm not interested due to some circumstances but whenever you give me an excitement. You should arrange your story and give me the plot.

Maybe I'm a good listener.
Maybe I'm not.
Maybe I'm just a listener.
Maybe just for some people.

but here's a truth. We need someone whom we can share our fairy-tale-type of stories and/or even the most senseless one.
or someone who will scream with you in your horror stories.
and someone who will always be there beside you writing those stories with you.


With Hearts As One

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I went to Philippine Red Cross in Muntinlupa yesterday to volunteer. I really wanted to help. Coincidentally, ate kat invited us in a volunteer work. I also contact the KKBs to join us, if they're available. They respond to the call but they have responsibilities, can't make it. Kuya Joas and I went directly to PRC-Muntinlupa.

We're both excited volunteering. And we talked about the typhoon and the affected areas. We talked to the person in charge and she said that there are no work to do for the relief, they're still waiting for some donations but she gave us forms. we're assigned in the relief area. I thought we will tearfully go home but no. after awhile, donations came rushing inside. at first we were sorting goods such as sardines, sardines in pack, canned dishes and meet loafs and tunas and everything, then the next thing I know is the volunteers were playing catch. throwing and catching mineral waters, sacks of rice on repeat. 

muscles pushed into the limits. body pain today. 
In the middle of the work. My mind is working for some article already. 

As I pass the waters box after box, I'm amazed. why?
'cause I don't know who this person beside me who keeps on giving me weights and it seems endless.and on the other side, another person keep asking me for weights, what's with this people?! I don't know anyone of them, well except for kuya joas and the girl who's pouring out rice in the relief bags. Aside from them. I don't know the rest, approximately there's about 50 people with me.

but you know what?
we don't know each other's name or where we came from or what our life situation we're having in that moment of our lives. we may have difficult personal problems and heartaches. 

but you know why?
as we pass the heavily waters and tons of rice, as we packed those goods and arranged everything to be in order. you'll see that we all have one purpose. one heart. the main reason why we're here.

they choose to set aside those personal life situation and volunteer for the affected communities in Visayas. all we want is to help, to extend our hands to those in need and to give a hug to those in grieve. That in simple ways. in simple terms. we're blessing them. it may not be huge compare to other people but this isn't solely about them, it is also fulfilling the desires of our hearts. to pour some aid and assistance.

and another thing, it will never be in vain.

this is our calling, our calling is to serve.
when Jesus was with the disciple as they argue about who's the greatest in God's kingdom.

“If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."

“Whoever receives one child like this in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me does not receive Me, but Him who sent Me.”
Matthew 9:33-37

After the volunteer work. we ate like a child in the mall. 

and have some muscle relaxation. where?
Extreme Coaster and Shooting in arcade.

Thanks to kuya Joas
Thanks to Jasmin
Thanks to ate Kat.

Thank God for the strength. I didn't know I have it.


It's about Jesus!


Monday, November 11, 2013

I've been thinking all day on what topic to share for today. Sadly, I can't think of any. The end.Neeh. I'm trying to be serious here, so help me. hmm yeah.

I'm reading God's Word earlier today when I read about Matthew 8:23-27. It's about Jesus calm the storm. Its amazing that even though I read this couple of times before, God gives me new revelations. And I'll share this tomorrow on prayer meeting. but what I'm going to talk about today is.. Storm.


Last Sunday, I don't know where to go. I don't usually went home early in Sundays and I don't want to go home early that Sunday. and I have no friends with me 'cause they have their own appointments. I also try approaching someone but sadly, situation doesn't allow us. But I already decided to go somewhere. 

Going home, I passed through our house directly to Festival Mall. I don't know exactly what to do that time. I went up to Powerbooks to start my afternoon. I read a book. I'm already on page 55. I'm planning to finish it in that store. (mean me.) and after the few chapters I explore the mall, looking at the people around and I decided to attend another service, Victory Christian Fellowship.

I heard awesome rendition in the worship. and in the news section of the service, before the preaching starts, the pastor talks about Yolanda, my heart suddenly feel the compassion. my eyes woke up for what I heard. Its really dreadful. The call for me is to help, in any means. The church seek for help, they accept donations and they are organizing a team to send those goods in tacloban. And I wanted to help. I don't know how. I went home asking myself what to do.

Today, I finally watch the news for myself and see what destruction yolanda gave us. Seeing those people and hearing their call for help, breaks my heart. I want to cry with them. As I watch series of tears I whisper prayers for them.

I don't usually post something like this in my blog. 'cause this is my blog and all I think about is myself. maybe this is the time for me to stand up and grow up. People need help. Let's send them hope! I recently receive a message regarding Yolanda, she seeks for someone who will help. I'll go. I'm willing. In simple terms, I pray that I may contribute something.

Lord, help them.


It's about Jesus!

Service, Training, Practice and Anniversary

Friday, November 08, 2013

A pretty long Sunday.

I just want to blog this. to fill my hunger. 
Last Sunday was a long Sunday. Well, many of my Sundays this year are long Sunday but let me tell you what happened. November 3, 2013.Of course, Sunday Service with my family and my beloved friends.We learned about soul winning and the need for it. and we attend our life groups. Fun and excitement within our groups.

then, we attend the training. the topic was "The Lordship Of Jesus Christ"
questions raised up, answers giving in. it was fun, indeed. we participate and learn together. and after few hours of arguments and fun. the KKB Band will have a practice.

My Tribute Medley by Israel Houghton, I have a great friends of singers and musician. they're great! awesome. who told you that we can make something today. They're just plainly awesome and gifted with much talent. but above all, we're under God's grace. we can't boast on anything. I played the Bass Guitar, Jasmin on Guitar also Jeremiah. Aries on Drums. Our singers are the worship leaders: Hacinth, Hazel, Joy and Charlie.

after the practice. we have to go somewhere. Cathy invited us to attend the 15 Anniversary of Victory Alabang. Aaaand we do so. but we bond 1st while waiting for the last session. we ate at KFC. thanks for the treat friends. (This is where I broke my no-softdrink record for months, grace please! XD) it was fun, hiding some funny and serious stories. 

before 7pm passed we went up to the 4th floor and see tons of people. then we saw books, so we stopped by there and after minutes. we went inside, the service starts with a blast. singing old songs. they told us that those are the songs they sing 15 years ago. I'm blessed to what I see and feel. God has always been faithful to churches like this. and then we listened to a Chinese Pastor. An anointed pastor. He's funny and speak right from the Word. You should hear the podcast on their website  Pastor's name: Jackie Su. we also have a bonding with Lovelea, who was part of the intermission number during the offering.and also the discount card for around 20 stores in Festival Mall and even around the nation. Cool!


It's about Jesus!

Their Prayers

Thursday, November 07, 2013

My good friend Aries was closing the life group with a prayer. As I close my eyes and agree with the prayer items he utter, I suddenly hear my name on the prayer items. Normally, I act like I'm expecting it but no. whenever someone's praying, I don't look forward that they would pray for me too, rather, I'd lay my hands over my group and intercede for them. it was then I thought about sharing it.

Its always been a sweet scent to me when my fellow KKBs and friends prayed over me whenever they are assigned to pray in our life group. I appreciate that they include my name in the list of prayer items, even If I didn't asked them to. In their simple prayers I feel that I am loved. Their prayers means they care and they love me. Many times in their prayer I feel lightened and strengthened, realizing that I'm not alone in this journey. That I have them, my fellow followers and of course the One who never leaves, The One Great Intercessor of all. 

I would also like to say Hi to my prayer partner. I know it's weird on how we became prayer partners. And you might think that I forced you too. but anyway I always appreciate you. I know you've been praying for me since then. I may not know exactly what time of the day that you are praying but I want you to know that I'm praying for you too. I would like you to meet the results one day. Let's cherish the answered prayers together. 

It's an honor to be called your prayer partner, my prayer partner. thanks again.

And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.  2 Corinthians 9:14



God's Not Dead

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

"To say there is no evidence for this creator is like saying thousand of paintings in an art museum couldn't have been painted because there are no artist visible in the gallery." - Rice Broocks

I just finished the book God's Not Dead: Evidence for God in an age of uncertainty by Rice Broocks. He is an author, apologetic and the co-founder of Every Nation family of Churches (in the Philippines, they are called Victory Christian Fellowship). As I read this book, it makes me say Oo nga no? and agree with the skeptics regarding the existence of God, but Broocks gracefully gave an explanation to every question and arguments from the skeptics. I bet that they have no comebacks for that. Broocks explains the existence of God not only based on the bible but on evidence. He even use the language of the atheist regarding in science and philosophy. I admire Rice Broocks' research in this matter. He quoted tons of known people in Christianity and skepticism. and He really knows where to stand.

In the end of the book are sets of testimony that proves the existence of a Creator. One of my favorite chapter is called The Grace Effect. It magnifies how God's grace affect the world today. The Christians and Non-Christians alike for He let the sun goes of for the good and bad. It's a must read book for doubtful and even for Christians who needed further explanation about His existence, I tell you, you will never have a choice but to believe in Him.

"Once the truth is firmly grasped, it becomes a logical necessity to seek out the nature and character of this Creator"

Rice Broocks


It's about Jesus!


Tuesday, November 05, 2013

"'yung moment na tumingala ka para tingnan yung stars tapos napayuko ka nalang kase maulap?"

we faced different disappointments in our lives. heartbreaking, marked with anguish and distress. some are funny, some are annoyingly surprising. but why do we get disappointed?  Let me tell you a story.

last month, I have many scheduled dates. and guess what? many of those 'dates' didn't come to pass. due to some circumstances which I can't identify. a movie night, stayover night and some other dates. the greatest question here is why do I get disappointed? 

is it because they cancelled it
or do they forget it

or they don't want it anymore?

when someone told you about something that excites you and give you hopes. those words turns out to be your expectation. and where do expectation came from?

from the people who made a promise?

expectation is a feeling. same as disappointments. and it came from within. inside you. and it is your response when they give you something to be excited about. sometimes, it excites you to the highest point of your eagerness towards what will happen. 

I personally want to avoid that. it's hard for me to handle disappointments. maybe that's the reason why I'm trying my best towards the promises I've made to people.

This month, I'm on a passive expectation. (I don't know what it means tho)

but If you want to make your expectation high without the thought of being disappointed, hold on to Someone who makes His promise come true.
All of your promises won't let go of me.


It's about Jesus!

Version of Truth

Monday, November 04, 2013

its crazzzzy!

there's this glass with half of water in it.
some call it half-full
some call it half empty
some wants to add water in it
some wants color in it
some doesn't call it anything, they just want drink it

just like perspective, we have our versions of truth.

people argue and fight about what they know is true! 
but we have our own version of truths, and sometimes no matter how convincing one's truth is. we will never give up our own. We will fight and stand for it. we even forget about the real issue. we even forget about what is the right response and right attitude towards discussion. so, we end up disrespecting one's belief, and even the person.

and one sad truth about those arguments is they don't know the truth, the real truth

let me define truth to you..
truth is Jesus

now, argue with me! 

end of convo?

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the  TRUTH, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." John 14:6

and knowing Jesus will set you free.

"and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32

so, if your truth doesn't set you free. begin to doubt to that truth. Stick to Jesus. know Him more. and yes! I'm not a bible scholar or a bible teacher or a preacher but think about my own version of truth.


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On the 21st year of my existence

Sunday, November 03, 2013

for my 21 Birthday. I want something. I want it to be special. at least for me. somehow. whatever.It is so special that I don't know how to describe it. It is so special that you're not invited. HAHA! I can give you a long list of what I want. but I don't feel like posting anything. You may ask what's the point of blogging this. I don't know? babbling out some thoughts maybe?

So, it's my  21st year on the planet?

I don't want to have a party? why? I don't want to be surrounded by people. HAHA!
but If I'll have a party, it's okay to me. I mean super duper okay. I can hardly remember the last time I had a party. and what's wrong with having a party anyway.

for my birthday wish?
I want someone who I can dance with
someone who will sing me a song
someone who will talk to me and have time with me even though I have nothing important to say
someone who will spend crazy time with me (so crazy that people will be shameful toward us)
someone who will lie on the ground with me watching the stars and the sky falling
(and the moon of course)
someone who will eat cupcakes and chocolates with me
someone who will give me a lightsaver, a pokemon and an adventure.

honestly? I'm expecting..
not for those things I've said earlier but for something that I've hoped for few months ago.
I don't know If I'll put my guard down and fill my heart with hope and great expectancy.
Or I'll just accept that It will never happen. Seems dramatic.

anyway. how's my life going? I don't know.
I don't even know if I'm still under God's plan. It's sounds something right?
who can really say that they're under God's plan when all we want is for ourselves.
wait. I know what I want. It's much bigger than myself.


All about her

Even from me

Saturday, November 02, 2013

I've seen harms all over the world. even to my closest ones. harms and damages on relationships and characters. It signifies imperfection and the need for an apology. I finished the 5 language of apology book. and I'm blessed. I owe everyone an apology. I'll do it step by step. and it may take some time. 

broken relationships. broken personalities. Its awful. Its dreadful.
and of that thought and that setting. I wanted to protect you. to protect you from every person who has a knife in their hands and one day will betray you by slashing your throat out and slaying you in the back. 

but above all else do you know how hard it is for me to ignore you?
To set my mind that I shouldn't text you and pretend that I didn't see your message?
My guts is telling me to response in your call but I know I must bear this one.
It wouldn't take long, its a few steps forward but time seems so slow.
Your kind heart breaks my heart. the guilt eats me up to my soul.

all of this. I will bear.

Why am I doing this?
I want to protect you from everyone.. even from me.
I'm not perfect and I might do some damage in you.

Patience, sacrifice, self-control, focus..
I'll be just praying for you. for your good. and for my good.

I know, as I protect you. I'm protecting me. 
God is protecting us.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
~ C.S. Lewis


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The other side

Friday, November 01, 2013

"Ang dramaaaaa"

sabe ng kaibigan ko habang binabasa nya 'yung isang article sa blog na 'to. May tinatanong kase siya sa'kin kaso di ko masagot ng harapan. ang sabe ko nalang, abangan nya sa blog ko ang gusto nyang malaman. Natatawa lang ako. kase alam mo yun. yung ano. hmm o di ba hindi? 

The other side 

We all have sides. left side, right side, sideline, side kick, side burns, other sides. 
maybe she's surprised when she read my story, my drama. the sebajisoka's drama. She read the poem-type-of-story, it has dramatic play so no wonder. why she act like that.

then i thought. who else knows my drama?
who else knows my weirdness?
who else knows my other sides.

people around us only encounter few sides of us, I'm not talking about multiple personalities of a person but characteristics. You know what I mean right? agree with me please. please? >.< 
Am I making a point here? I hope I don't have. HAHA!

and then as she read my other posts, I hear an excessive-mad-eyepoping-jawdropping laugh. Oh. she laughs at my lameness. good to know. who told you my life is a a set of drama? I can bet that my life is a comedy. a lame-corny-type of comedy but just like other comedy piece and entertainment, it has a lesson. lesson that is easy to know but hard to learn. I must learn this.

Oh! Sooo much for straining and pushing.
I better end this. my thoughts are becoming confusing by the moment. Aaand I have things to do pa. :)

I will end in this, i saw it somewhere the internet.


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