Even from me

Saturday, November 02, 2013

I've seen harms all over the world. even to my closest ones. harms and damages on relationships and characters. It signifies imperfection and the need for an apology. I finished the 5 language of apology book. and I'm blessed. I owe everyone an apology. I'll do it step by step. and it may take some time. 

broken relationships. broken personalities. Its awful. Its dreadful.
and of that thought and that setting. I wanted to protect you. to protect you from every person who has a knife in their hands and one day will betray you by slashing your throat out and slaying you in the back. 

but above all else do you know how hard it is for me to ignore you?
To set my mind that I shouldn't text you and pretend that I didn't see your message?
My guts is telling me to response in your call but I know I must bear this one.
It wouldn't take long, its a few steps forward but time seems so slow.
Your kind heart breaks my heart. the guilt eats me up to my soul.

all of this. I will bear.

Why am I doing this?
I want to protect you from everyone.. even from me.
I'm not perfect and I might do some damage in you.

Patience, sacrifice, self-control, focus..
I'll be just praying for you. for your good. and for my good.

I know, as I protect you. I'm protecting me. 
God is protecting us.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
~ C.S. Lewis


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