One Sick Love Story

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Few months ago, I've prepared a script for a monologue to be performed to a small group of people. Or maybe just one. I've spent time in thinking and typing the right words. It has been modified for many times. From a simple one liner to a paragraph that seems endless. I don't even realized it until.. I realized it. Briiight.

I've made different scripts for different situation for her different response. Just to make sure I'm ready. I even memorized and keep in my heart this pretty moving line by my good friend, Augustus Waters. (Then, my  brother told me I'm a hopeless romantic. HAHA for this.). I tried performing on the office with my closest office mates and yes, they make fun of my crazy line. Someone even took a video of it, she said that she'll put in on Facebook. 

Days passed by, I didn't know. I didn't know that this day will come to pass. That all of these scripts are crying saying that they needed to be sent, to the rightful recipient, her. Through the wireless connection, a simple tease and then we met. In a place where lights are popular and people are all around. We sat and talk. 

I opened my mouth for this special line that I got for her. but it leaved me speechless. No line has been spoken, no feeling has been burst out and no revelation has been made. I went home with a huge disappointment, I thought I'm confident about it. Where are those strong feelings that made me smile every time I thought about it.

There's a second attempt. No hope.

But the third?
Well, she's already knowledgeable about it, she just wanted to hear the script that I've been thinking about all those time. She starts listening to my excuses and my craziness on the jeepney on the way to their home. It's been few minutes of talking and I realized that I haven't say anything about it, I'm shy, then I breathe deep. I not ready, but I need to say it. I informed her about all the links to the script and even mentioned some drama as a coat to the next lines.

Dark sky and cool winds, street lights and teary-eyes. I can't breathe good enough. I hear trucks and motor-noises. They're crying as my heart speak out. And I reached the time. An imperfect timing, I look into her eyes and I said..

"Uhm.. *sigh* I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things, I'm in love with you and I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day that all our labors has been returned to dust and that the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever had and.. I'm in love with you."

In between, my lines are breaking. My eyes seems like a light bulb. and my voice is shaking, I don't know how I looked like nor my delivery sounds like but.. I'm glad I did it. 

"Uhm. 89%"


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