hardin ng mga bituin

Sa Hardin

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

"Okay naman tayo diba? 'di naman tayo nag-aaway, magkasundo naman tayo, bakit ganito? biglang nagbago ihip ng hangin?"

Nakatayo lang siya sa harap ko habang hawak hawak ko ang kamay niya, alam kong nahihirapan siya, nihindi nga si'ya makatingin sa'kin sa mata. Pero ang sakit kasi eh. Ang sakit sakit. Biglaan, binigla nya ko. 'di ko inexpect


narnig ko siya umimik. tinig ng isang babaeng nagpipigil ng luha.Naghintay lang ako ng sasabihin nya. Ngunit Isang katahimikan ang bumalot sa paligid. Nakatulala lang ako, Dinadama 'yung lamig ng panahon papunta sa'king mga mata. Lalo akong naiiyak. Tumingin ako sa langit. Madilim, tanging mga bituin ang nagbibigay liwanag sa gabing ito, walang buwan at di ko makita 'yung Venus.

Nahihirapan akong huminga, tila kahit anong lakas ng hangin at lamig nito, 'di nito masusuportahan ang kinakailangang hangin ng baga ko. Sa pagkakataong ito, tila kahit isang oxygen tank ay walang magagawa.

Patuloy ang pagpatak ng luha naming dalawa dito sa hardin, di ko inaakalang hahantong kami sa ganito. Akala ko hanggang TV at sine lang ang drama tungkol sa relationship.

Habang nagkakagulo ang isip ko sa mga ngyayare, tumingala siya't tumingin sa'kin, di ko alam kung handa na ko, pinunasan ang kanyang mga luha at nagsimulang sabihin ang kanina ko pa nais malaman.

"'di ko alam kung makakaya ko pa.." sabi nya.



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Something to say

Sunday, September 28, 2014

People always has something to say, no matter how good are you or how bad it is. Even when you say nothing at all, still they have something to say. Some bash you, stab you in the back and they're making stuffs on their heads about why you did that or why are you like that.

Welcome to Planet Earth, my friends.
Uncertain world, unsure people, chattering falsely. Well, I'm not saying everyone talks about you or everyone is like that. I'm just saying that there's something they would to say. A judgement or just an opinion. And another fact is, I'm one of them. You see, I'm a kind of observer. Not really a good one. I gave my 'judgement' but I thought it was an opinion. 

Somehow, I'm affected. Yes. I start questioning myself, evaluating what I've done wrong. 
But I realized this, just like what I've said, no matter what you do, they have something to say. Positive? Negative? They have. And just to let you know, I'm learning this now and I'm getting over it.

I'll take what is positive, turn the negative into positive by looking at it as an opportunity to change and to improve. 'cause what I know now, is that all that will matter is that thing that He's going to say.


Don't know what picture to post. Here's me and karl. XD


All about her

Just a response

Saturday, September 20, 2014

So deep. I hear raindrops and heartbeats. 

It doesn't rhyme tho. But they express somehow, same emotion. Blue. 
As the wind blows away the tears from heaven, the fan in my room does the same thing to me.

 Waiting is unsure. 

You don't know when it will fall or where it will fall. You don't know if it will happen or not. If it will change or it will stay the same.

But what if. That hope that we hold into while waiting is considered as false hope. What if waiting is just a part of the story that has never been yours?!  What if waiting causes you pain?!

How will you take it all?!
How will you respond?!

And what if in waiting everything wraps up, that what you thought will stay, will just leave you speechless and hopeless. And they say, "I'm waiting for like forever, I'm tired. You'll meet someone better."

When you already knew.
That you found the best.
Will you make an effort to stop and beg for it?!
Or you're just going to fall on your knees and cry out loud.

What if it's all just a test. You didn't passed?! You're not worth it. Done deal.
I'm not sure for those things written above. It may hurt in a way. Maybe it's just heavy.
Well, I'm just here. Waiting. Unsure. But I don't mind, If it's going to hurt me or brake me. I'll stay. Whatever it may be. As long as I can. I will. 

What am I waiting for?! 
Just a response. Maybe.



Silver Screen

Thoughts of the night

Friday, September 12, 2014

Are you like me?
After seeing a movie. You're day-dreaming and thinking about your favorite scenery of the film? That you suddenly hope of that surprise and the action-filled split seconds. That you're thinking about the response that you'll uttered just to flip the tables for the most exciting and thrilling moment of your life?

You have it.
You certainly does.

And also on drama. 
Yesterday, I watched a short film over Youtube. I act crazy after watching the film. My mind created a world of crazy thoughts. Thinking the worst of the situation, and I, as the pathetic and the loser on the story.

You know what, it gave me fear. Am I really ready for the epic explosion of tomorrow? Where people around you experienced it all. You experience the thing that you're about to experience. They said that it's painful that they cried. 

But maybe we have different stories, different dramas, different comedies, different actions and different romantic films. Maybe if we just made our right choices and pick up the right emotion for the right moment for the right situation that even you met the worst situation, you'll notice the silver lining.



It's about Jesus!


Monday, September 08, 2014

I'm just going to seat here, staring and will stop hating.. As If I can, If God told us to love each other, to love our enemies and persecutors which is quite impossible. How can we follow Him?  What's the secret of those Christians leaders and members. 

A friend shared something on Facebook, It's not about hating though, It's about a scenario in a Church. Here what happens, 

Aug 31, around 3:30 pm i attended a baptismal ceremony at the EDSA SHRINE. When i arrived, it was already in the middle of the ceremony were these cute little angels with thier parents and godparents were standing in the middle of the altar. I notice that the priest was mad and his tone is somehow irritated. Reason? the parents are not responding "Amen" loud enough as what the priest wanted them to do. Im shocked when the priest stated "kanina ko pa kayo sinasabihan na lakasan ang pagsabi ng AMEN pagkatpos buhusan ng tubig sa ulo mga anak nyo pero para kayong walang boses. Sana wag lumaki ang mga anak nyo na katulad nyo na matitigas ang ulo!". A moment of silence.
It was my godson's turn to be baptized. The priest said "glory be to the father, to the son and to the holy spirit", EVERYONE responded with amen. At that same moment the priest said "naknang kanina ko pa kayo sinasabihan na lakasan ang amen! Bahala n kayo s buhay nyo!", the priest walked-out. Another moment of silence. I approached the assistant of the priest and asked "Excuse me, what happened? Will he still finish the ceremony? I felt humiliated when this guy responded with "Kanina pa kasi kayo sinsbhan n sumagot ng malakas na amen hindi nyo magawa! Titigas ng ulo nyo! Then i replied with "wag kang sumigaw, ngtatanong lng ako". This guy (in the picture below) furiously shouted back at me and said "Gusto mo ikaw kumausap kay father!!! Punthan mo!! Sino ka ba?!! I opted to reply with "isa ako sa mga ninong. Wag kang sumigaw. Nagtatanong lng ako. You're so rude! Then he responded with "Rude? Eh d ikaw pumunta kay father, tangnang to"
I was about to respond when a girl (one of the godparents) reacted "Excuse me, he was just asking what will happen. He just asked you in a nice way, man. You're not supposed to serve the church if ur attitude is like that, Bastos ka!
This guy did not react and left to call the priest back. When the priest got back, he tried to finish the baptismal ceremony in the fastest way he could. After the priest stated the final blessing, he had his last words "o ayan tpos na, magsialis na kayong lahat"
That was very frustrating event. I can hardly imagine we have these people rudely serving GOD, churches and our people. I would say this is just a manifestation that Devil can always disguise into an immaculate Angel."

I'm not sure if this thing really happens. but what bothers me is my friend's reaction to it. "that's why i don't like going to church any more.  i rather pray and talk to god at home.

Is the church really filled with hypocrites and evil people instead of holy ones?
Well, church should be the best place for comfort, love and compassion. What happened to the baptism? Really? 

What I know now is we're all sinners. We hate people in any other way, we do bad things and we have bad attitudes. The priest on the scene might be having a really bad day or he's really on disguise but 1 thing is for sure.. No one's perfect, not our priests, pastors and bishops. and we can enumerate other people's "evilness" and we might end up with an endless list.

Good thing we have a perfect Savior, that no matter how sinful we are. He loved us and He prove it by dying on the Cross. If we could just respond to that wonderful love. 

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8


Work? Work!

Everyday I'm Shufflin

Monday, September 08, 2014

Lemme share to you a day with uhm. Me, who else? This is my daily, weekly or monthly routine since the beginning of my working days. It changed a lot. Though I miss the old days but hey, I have money here, but no enough time for my deadly-non-interesting-crafts. Well, I think I should post something like "before and after" instead?

I'm 9 months here in Harte-hanks, I started last January and I'm about to give birth to something special. I'm happy with my life before. I mean, happy at times, sad at times.
No work means no tomorrow. I was thinking of business. I wanna be like those Business Monsters. I realized that I should start small, but dream big. See you in a bit Mr. Bill Gates!

For 2 years, no money means no treats. problems about gifts and some surprises. I can't go out of the house and can't eat good food. But hey, I have tons of time and breaking news. I hardly get bored. That's why when people asked me what am I doing or if I have plans for the future. I said, I never get bored 'cause only boring people gets bored. And in addition, I told them that we'll get on that. There's still time darling.

2 years, all I do is to play games, chat, tweet, write, blog, post, scrapbooking, surprising, organizing my thoughts and organizing my writings and organizing my bed, read book, Investigate, watch movies, talk and walk, study, explore around, watch the skies and the stars, wonders, sleeping, dreaming, daydreaming and talk to God, of course.

But I disappoint my parents, some of friends, myself. 

Work is such a big thing. Money is yes. But I can eat, drink and sleep well. Why do I need money. However, at night it keeps bugging me to not to be dependent on them (my family). It's a pretty long story though. Let's proceed to my daily shuffling. 

I started at work, trying my best to adjust to graveyard shift, It's not a big adjustment, I'm a nocturnal beybe. I'm soo active at night. Well, body clock has been changed as well as eating time and all of CHANGES.. My habits and other stuffs as well, you know. Let's now proceed..

My day starts 3 hours before my shift (on working days), example, if my shift is at 3am, I'll wake up at by 12mn, pray, read a one liner, check some tweets and statuses, take a bath, wear some clothes and at 1am, I should be on the road watching those streetlights passed by while listening to awesome music. 

I'll arrived at my workplace via Jeepney an hour and a half or less upon arrival from home. I'll find a good station and seat. Press the PC-log in and Phone-log in. Starts the avail/que and/or email. We have 2 15 minute breaks and 1 hour Lunch. We also have 2 personal breaks, which we can have throughout the shift for 5 minute each.

We took coffee, eat pizza, be warmed by hot water and talk a little and much.

then go to terminal when going home and eat kwek kwek. I stay for a moment awake at home and, doing stuffs. randomly and read something then I sleep. Repeat that for 5 days and I'll have the most exciting day(s) of my life. Day off(s) and then, date with friends and watch movies overnight and go out somewhere and have a cup of tea and visiting houses and eating with family and going to church and check for some stuffs.

Honestly, I don't want to stay like this forever.
As I've said I have dreams. I have a dreambook.
It fuels me up. It boosts my spirit.
'cause still, I'm still taking charge..

Giving all.

by the way, here's my officemates. or should I say office friends?! :D



Sarcasticaly Annoying

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

I had a recorded conversation with someone. It's a random recording of our senseless conversation, well, I'm not sure about her but it means a lot to me. As I listen to our talk, crazy talk, in particular, I noticed something.. I'm annoying. I heard my voice and it's annoying, I'm sarcastically annoying and I feel bad. Even though we're on a joke time. I don't feel any good on that. I feel sorry.

I didn't expect that I'm sarcastic. I mean, eh. you know what I mean.
Good thing I recorded that conversation. 
It allows me to assess myself. To review what I'm doing and what I say.
It makes me conscious. 
I need an action plan.

Think first before speaking.

Soorry po. 



Wednesday, September 03, 2014

I'm in the home of my best friend when I received the email confirming that they already received the payment for my domain. yes, domain. Let me explain domain: 

"A domain name is a unique name that identifies an internet resource such as a website."

Source: wikipedia.org

Well, my best friend saw my reaction and all my excitement as I read the email confirmation, she said that I read the email fast and she didn't have the glance of it. I set up my account in their house and I start being amazed as I typed in www.sebajisoka.com on the browser. It's a dream come true my friend. Why?! Only few people has it. I mean, owning a website is as cool as the coolest. It's like being a celebrity with a webpage for tours, liek a writer for vlogs and blogs. This is amazing, really. Not to mention the price of business.com ($7.5 million), just a heads up how domain name is purchased. It depends on the popularity of the domain. (or if you're trying to bid for an existing one). Well, I got it for a very low price. Really. HAHA! EmsooHappy.

I saw it on an advertisement, Anniversary Package. 
I registered an account.
Read the instructions and terms.
Purchase it. Pay for it.

Welcome to sebajisoka.com


All about her

You fell in love with

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

You fell in love with

Her eyes.
Her voice.
Her hair.

Her stare.
Her glance.
Her wave.

Her talent.
Her passion.
Her habits.

Her character.
Her simpleness.
Her beliefs.

and then you'll realized that It's not her at all. 'cause if falling in love is all about her, why not everyone fell in love with her. Maybe because there's something about her that you can't explain that links you from her. Things that you can't categorize, enumerate and dropped down, things that you cannot explain but they are the things that you need. 


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