One Sick Love Story

Few months ago, I've prepared a script for a monologue to be performed to a small group of people. Or maybe just one. I've spent time in thinking and typing the right words. It has been modified for many times. From a simple one liner to a paragraph that seems endless. I don't even realized it until.. I realized it. Briiight.

I've made different scripts for different situation for her different response. Just to make sure I'm ready. I even memorized and keep in my heart this pretty moving line by my good friend, Augustus Waters. (Then, my  brother told me I'm a hopeless romantic. HAHA for this.). I tried performing on the office with my closest office mates and yes, they make fun of my crazy line. Someone even took a video of it, she said that she'll put in on Facebook. 

Days passed by, I didn't know. I didn't know that this day will come to pass. That all of these scripts are crying saying that they needed to be sent, to the rightful recipient, her. Through the wireless connection, a simple tease and then we met. In a place where lights are popular and people are all around. We sat and talk. 

I opened my mouth for this special line that I got for her. but it leaved me speechless. No line has been spoken, no feeling has been burst out and no revelation has been made. I went home with a huge disappointment, I thought I'm confident about it. Where are those strong feelings that made me smile every time I thought about it.

There's a second attempt. No hope.

But the third?
Well, she's already knowledgeable about it, she just wanted to hear the script that I've been thinking about all those time. She starts listening to my excuses and my craziness on the jeepney on the way to their home. It's been few minutes of talking and I realized that I haven't say anything about it, I'm shy, then I breathe deep. I not ready, but I need to say it. I informed her about all the links to the script and even mentioned some drama as a coat to the next lines.

Dark sky and cool winds, street lights and teary-eyes. I can't breathe good enough. I hear trucks and motor-noises. They're crying as my heart speak out. And I reached the time. An imperfect timing, I look into her eyes and I said..

"Uhm.. *sigh* I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things, I'm in love with you and I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day that all our labors has been returned to dust and that the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever had and.. I'm in love with you."

In between, my lines are breaking. My eyes seems like a light bulb. and my voice is shaking, I don't know how I looked like nor my delivery sounds like but.. I'm glad I did it. 

"Uhm. 89%"
O.O


//OneSickLoveStory
//sebajisoka

When It's avail

When It's avail..

we chat a little. 

we tell jokes and life experiences.

we share stories on wattpad  and videos on youtube.

we laugh harder and find activities to keep ourselves unstressed. 

we also

play RBI Baseball online (Specially on OT, keeping myself busy) 

going online through Facebook (Which we lost access now)

tweeting like no one's watching

sending SMS to loveones. ♥

eating chips and pizzas.

Stalking Against The Current and Chrissy Coztanza. OMG!!!

Listening to our favorite music

Do blogs.

Read articles.

9Gagging.

Checking the Que. 

Playing with avaya.

Playing Dota on the corner. Heyaah Dota Boys and Girls. This is for you! XD

We keep ourselves with the intimacy and fun that we can offer to relieve the stress. It's our Anti-stress campaign. Yeah. It's stressful to hear the same complaints and those *** words from the customer, that's why it's a great relief from us when hearing the customer that they/appreciate the help. I understand their frustration by the way. But it's kinda, stressful when it's on repeat.

Well, God is still good.

He keeps me going. 

Thank you, Lord. :D

//WhenItsAvail

//sebajisoka

Unresponsive

I thought that I'm the only one, saying sorry to the things unresponsive, to books, to fictional characters, social networks and blogs.

I read someone's journal, this time with permission and this is the first time, I have a journey through the thoughts and it feels like reading a book which I found out that I'm one of the characters. It feels amazing and satisfying although I'm not the main character. The thoughts inside were capturing, breathe-taking and irresistible.

Yeah. Those thoughts about me makes me feel special. 

It' makes me wanna cry. HAHA!

And yeah. I'm sorry about you, my little buddy blogger.

I'm kinda busy and I post rarely.

I'll make bawi. soon

//unresponsive

//sebajisoka

May I hold your hand?

We're walking slowly together, in the escalated level of this unpopular mall. With words uttered and thoughts shared.  I made a request in relate to the subject. 

"May I hold your hand?!" 

She asked me why. 

I said "I'm just going to try something and ask something afterwards." 

"Sure." She said as she stretch out her right hand towards me. 

I paused. Split seconds. For a follow up on the request. Hearts beating faaast. 

"I mean" I sigh. "like holding hands, filling the empty spaces in between?!"  

*Insert random face right about here* 

I opened up my left hand face up. 

Looking into her innocence. Waiting for her response. She smiled and quickly she put her hand on mine.  

At that moment. I heard drum beats on my chest in sequence to my heavy breathing. 

 In a snap. It's all gone. 

She said It's awkward.

but that scene never leaved me.

//Glimpse

//sebajisoka

Why it matters?!

Every little things she said
Those almost non-sense conversation
Those blabbering of hers
Those typed-in laughs

Her cyber smiles
Those mispronounced words
Those overheard news 
The things she shared

The things she does
Her favorite songs
The movies she watched
Where she'd been
What time she went home

Things that makes her smile
Her "Hi's"
Her friends
Her influences
The values and beliefs she believes in

Those simple things she said?!
They're almost non-sense but why does it matter to you?

Well, I think, I know why.
And I knoow. I really know that you know why..

'cause it's simply because.. 

I'm..


//WhyItMatters
//sebajisoka

Uhmm

With this music that surrounds me
I'll write in this piece of paper
a love that grows rapidly and intensely
should I go back to the start
just to explain everything to you

what are the chances of believing in me
with all of these thoughts and people that brings joy
a joy that cannot be compared
should I compete? 

I see visions of life and laughter
although you're on the other side
at times we meet, our times collide
smiles on our faces
simple joy in our hearts

I'm not sure with these words
not sure if I can impress you
using the little knowledge that I have
using the dictionary on the table

with the words that I'm not familiar with
I just want to say "Hi" and express this thing
this little thing that they called uhm "love"
what do I know about you then?

this intense feeling of affection
this timeless instinct of impression
well, hey, I'm sorry for taking this so long
I just wanted to say that I.. Uhmm. 

//Uhmm.
//sebajisoka

Where do their souls go?

Lately, she's losing her appetite, she didn't want to eat or even drink any liquid. She's in pain, I know. From the one to blame for the noises in our house to the one who 'caused us to think. I have short, funny and crazy memories with her. We played games together, eat together and sometimes workout together.  

She's definetely crazy. Now, she's gone. Those memories had stopped to multiply. I thought she'll stay longer with us. But no. She's somewhere over the sky. I don't know if she could read this or if she knows how to read at all. But what I know now is.. She'll be missed. 

If there's someone who loved her the most, that would be my brother. He's the one who keeps track of her eating routine. Who keeps her sleeping quarter neat and he sometimes sleeps with her. I know that he loved her deep.  

Earlier today, in the funeral, he asked me.  

"Where do their souls go?" 

I know the answer and answering that makes the pain even worse.  

"Idk" 

"Nowhere?" 

"Uh huh." 

He knew it. 

I knew it. 

You'll be missed, really. Uhm. Well?! Goodbye now. 

June 2, 2014 

Why-pie. 

//sebajisoka