A Random Monday Morning Thoughts

With all of the things happening around. One thing is for sure that we're unsure of tomorrow. Life is full of uncertainty and there's no amount of planning that can bring assurance of what will happen tomorrow.

But we can't just live for today to worry about the next day. We live for today and live for tomorrow when it arrives.

I'm always thankful to God for giving me this life and allowing me to see His creation. To witness His goodness in my life. 

I wanted to thank Him for literally everything. For being able to feel sadness, loneliness, and love. To feel all these emotions. To be able to have faith, and be able to trust. 

To meet different kinds of people. Meet every kind of behavior. To be afraid and overcome fear. To explore the beauty of how everything interconnects. How my mind works and how little did we know about the world. 

I'm sorry, I'm just blabbering some things today on a rainy Monday morning. 

//arandommondaymorningthoughts

//sebajisoka

On Messing up.

There are things that are holding me back. Uncertain things like we don't have enough, what would the future be like, can we handle it? 

Yes, I worry but I'm the kind of person that if something messes up, the damage would only be for myself. No harm done for the people around. I'm not good at taking the blame but I'd rather be messed up alone than dragging other people when things go out of hand. 

And this is not about not being able to trust anyone or thinking myself as stronger to handle those things. It's just, I don't like the feeling of bothering other people for being irresponsible.

I have this small tank in my head that gets overflowed when stuff happens left and right and my tendencies are to slack and play around and possibly figure it out later. 

I just realize this now and it's pretty bad. I'm not sure yet on how will I overcome this. But yeah. That's probably all that I can say. Goodbye. 

//OnMessingUp

//sebajisoka

Life Lesson from flying a drone

So, I recently presented my Passion in the Human Project, TaskUs' version of a salary increase. Basically, what they did is they give you a salary increase base on your performance and if you presented a valid passion or purpose, it has a kicker. This is to help you fuel that passion and purpose. 

It's a support for improving yourself and for doing good to the community. My presentation was 2 months ago and, I already received the increase.

But there's this one thing that one of the panels asked me. She asked me what did I learn from flying a drone, aside from the technicals. I told them that I received a new perspective on life. I didn't elaborate fully by what I meant but since we're on my blog, let me. 

Flying a drone and watching the camera pans everywhere is quite a cinematic and life-changing view for me. You see, I've been taking pictures for a while now, from micro to macro, from high to low angle but I never really taken anything from above, looking down. 

That gives me a new set of ideas and a refreshing view of things because sometimes we see and look at things on a daily basis and we thought that we've known everything about it. 

It goes the same with the person you love. The time will come that we'll get used to them and their presence. But when we started to view things differently, looking at the things that we don't normally seek and before you know it, we're being amazed by those new discoveries. 

It's not a different person but we're looking at the same person from a different angle.

Another thing that I learned is realizing that we're tiny people, small people trying to do things and trying to survive. We encounter problems and struggle with life. Then I thought to myself, how does God view these things, these small people roaming around. 

I believe that God is huge and far. He's so big that there's nothing that He can't do and He sees things from afar. But I also believe that He's small God and He is close to our hearts. 

Why did I include God here? Well, because of what I call "God's View", it's a drone's camera representing God's eye looking at us. In His eyes, we're small but He sees everything. He knows what's happening in our world and in our lives. He is also close to us and He understands.

//LifeLessonFromFlyingADrone
//sebajisoka

27

Binondo

So, I heard about Binondo multiple times in my life and I get familiar with the name because of an old Teleserye, My Binondo Girl. 

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend asked me where should we celebrate this day of mine. I honestly don't know the answer to that question. So, I'm letting her decide. She told me that we should go to Binondo and Intramuros. I agreed, not knowing what's special about Binondo.

I'm not a Manila boy. 

I flipped my laptop open and started a quest on "What to do in Binondo", I started to notice 1 thing among those search results, Food walk! From google, I went to YouTube to confirm this discovery, because I believe with all of my heart that if there's food, there's a vlog. 

And my excitement bursts, to find out those dumplings, siopaos, and soups in an epic food walk that I've never done before.

So, we met at San Pedro at a certain time and went straight to Manila. We arrived at Binondo around 2pm, I guess? Upon arrival, we started to search for those recommended restaurants - it's a bit crowded, well, it's Manila, what do I expect? 

I opened a site which has food and restaurant recommendation: Binondo Food Crawl by outoftownblog.com and good thing that they included the exact address here.



Dong Bei Dumplings

I checked multiple blogs and Dong Bei Dumplings is always on the top of the list to visit. So, Jassiee and I google mapped the address and the first stop has been found. It's not a fancy restaurant with fancy food but the place looks like a normal house with a carinderia. 

We ordered these fresh Dumplings for Php 200 and it's wonderful in mouth. Why did I just learn about this stuff? 

Cafe Mezzanine

Our next stop is just a few steps away from Dong Bei Dumplings, Cafe Mezzanine. It has a bar and a youthful vibe. It seems like we're not in Binondo because of its style. 

What we came here for is, the Xiao Long Bao, because we really miss Taiwan. I miss that burst of soup after biting it. So, that's what we ordered for Php 180 and Kiampong Rice for Php 80 which we didn't really finish because of the fear of being full. 

Tea Brothers

After those 2 restaurants, we haven't had a drink, it's just water, of course, our day wouldn't be completed without a sip of Milktea from Tea Brothers, we happened to order some Egg Tarts as well. The egg tart is surprisingly good, while the milktea was extra sweet. 

After that, we roam around to find other stores and shops. It was an aimless approach, but by accident, we stumble upon:

We ordered 2 packs [4 Pieces per] worth Php 88 each and this Siopao is bad, when I say bad, I say super good. It's served hot and it's fluffy and full of meat inside. 


We went to another restaurant before our last stop, The Original Salido Restaurant, upon entering, I feel like I'm in a wrong neighborhood, there were old Chinese people and the only Pinoys that I saw were the crew. It's funny but those people were welcoming and wonderful. We didn't order any as we're aiming for the Pork Asado which was out of stock. 

So, we decided to end our Food walk at Wai Ying Fastfood and ordered Beef Noodles and Shark's Fin dumpling. Both were amazing but it's just sad that we didn't experience this fully as our stomach is already screaming at us to stop putting food in our mouths. 

After that, we're headed home and enjoyed the traffic with our talks and stories. It's indeed a wonderful and enjoyable day. 

Thank you, Jas for bringing me here. You da one and you da best! 

tomgu

sogbu

//27
//Binondo
//sebajisoka

26 and it's fading

A day before my birthday, I had a shift. So I spent my almost full day in the office. It's quite a normal day at work. The only thing that differs? I'm anticipating for my birthday. 

Basically, I welcomed my birthday at the bus stop, waiting to go home. I started getting messages, greeting me for my day and of course, Jassiee called at 12mn.

I don't really expect anything for my birthday and I think that when you're getting older, that's fine. As I said before, everyone has this "Special day" and it's not special anymore but hey, It's another day to celebrate and be thankful for this life that He gives and the life that He gave for me. 

26 and it's slowly fading but as our age may grow weaker and older, all hopes with a little prayer that our minds will be sharper and faith will be stronger. 

//26AndIt'sFading
//sebajisoka

Willing to wait po ma'am, sir?

I'm starting to get hopeless and helpless.

I said previously that I wanted to make you happy. That's what I've been doing, but I'm really bad at saving and aiming for that happiness and that goal that we both want.

It's undeniable that pressure circulates over me and it pains me that I can't do anything about it. I know myself and I'm not sure how can I overcome things. 

I tried several things to make changes in my life for a better me. But I can't live up to the expectation, my own expectation. 

It seems like for every failed attempt to be better, I'm sinking down the ground, looking vulnerable. And seeing people succeed, reaching their goals, getting married, having a family, make me really happy and really sad in sync. 

I mean, I, beyond any doubt, am happy about their lives and their success but at the same time, how can they do that? Why am I not like that? What are they doing that I'm not doing?

Insecurities scattered all over the floor and thoughts of not being enough skyrockets.

I hope that you're willing to wait as I pull myself together and figure things out. I hope for more patience and understanding.

//WillingToWait //sebajisoka

Calibration

Hey! 

It's me again after a few months. 

You know, I'm struggling for a while about some things. It's not that big of a struggle, there are people with much bigger problems than mine. 

Because I thought, I figured it out.
I tried pushing myself to do things for my improvement.

I stopped eating junk, I consumed less food, less rice and less sweet.
I tried to be healthy.

I also tried subscribing to premium online tutorial just to boost my knowledge about the stock market.

I also make it a habit to read the bible every day.

I set goals and put my mindset into a pattern of doing things daily. I even told myself to never stop, that in times that I missed one stuff on my schedule, I just need to go back where I left off instead of trashing it all at once.

But after a few weeks of trying, here I am.
I went back to eating carelessly, I never set time for my self-study of stocks and from reading the bible every day, I just now listen to it through the app.
I got nothing again.

I always go back to the things that I'm comfortable at. I'm not into changes and I have no discipline. I always make excuses and I'm hopeless.

But in my office, one of our life coaches conducted a seminar about minds and its pattern. I plan of having a one-on-one session with him so I could help myself.

While waiting for it. I'll try to push myself again for those changes. 



//Calibration
//sebajisoka

Color Manila

Color Run Manila 1 week before the event, we signed up and it was exciting for me. And nerve-wracking as I've never done 10k fun run before, and this is my first time in few years. No practice or anything. We've got our shirt and we started to run. It was so early when both my feet felt uneasiness. We haven't reached 1 KM and I felt like I can't walk another 1KM. Good thing, my girlfriend and my little brothers, who frequently jog and join fun runs, managed to wait for me. But of course, I understand how it feels to always wait for someone - I wanted them to enjoy. So, I asked my brothers to run ahead of us and we'll try to catch up. My girlfriend stayed with me as we're not both runners and I know that she'll never leave me even if I tell her so. While in pain and in fun because of those colors, we talked about life and all - we managed to create a plan in order to finish the run. We, then, finished the run and claimed our medals then, the party begun. It was fun. I enjoyed every pain, water station and every bit of it. But most of all, I enjoyed the life talks, I enjoyed planning our lives, even though I know that God has a better plan and our plans might not be the best plan. I enjoyed it all. It just give me inspiration and it fuels my heart.

//ColorManila//sebajisoka

We'll be just fine

Here am I, pushing myself to write
While feeling empty from the inside
How can I move on though
How can I write again

Is the passion, gone?
Should I let it go and search for a different output?

Well, I've been looking for a while now
Does anybody know?
Does anybody hear me?
Does anyone see the fire in my heart?

It feels empty
I don't know what I should do
I feel wrong

All  I do is to stare blankly at nowhere
While to all of these depressing song
Because I'm trapped
It feels like my hands were handcuffed

Heart so heavy
Everything is so confusing
I'm so tired. I just wanna rest.
And not to think about anything.

I'm sorry about this. This is just too random. We'll be fine, though.

//WellBeJustFine
//TakeMyHand
//sebajisoka

Ups and Downs

It's only March and there has been several Ups and Downs in my life.

Downs:

• I showcased my salary increase presentation and I only got the lowest salary increase. 
• I somehow lose interest in my passion because of the panelist' 
• Our home almost burned down
• I lose consciousness in just our 2nd destination
• I got Amebiasis, that can really cause death

Ups:

• I fight for my salary increase due to miscommunication and it was adjusted
• We went to Bali, Indonesia and took a lot of pictures and videos
• My family is safe
• I never lost my consciousness throughout our trip up until now
• I was cured from Amebiasis in just a week

Today, I'm planning for a business, understanding the priorities for my life, looking forward to the future.  

//UpsAndDowns
//sebajisoka

Burnin' Up

January 18, 2019

According to legend, our home was a 2-story structure but the 2nd floor was burned down by a fire. It was sad and scary. Today, we almost lose the 1st floor. 

It was nerve-wrecking.

Here's what happened. Me and my family were teasing and discussing about different things when suddenly, we heard a sparkle, from what I hear, it's 2 cats fighting over something, then suddenly, the fan that we're using was turned off. 

My brother, Israel, went to the living room to check what's happening. I stayed calm as I don't see or anticipate any danger. Then I heard him shout repeatedly "Sunog", then, my mom and I immediately rush to the living room to check and a fire from our electric switch welcomed us. 

I didn't know what to do. I was afraid that it might consume our whole house. 

I tried to pick up a drum of water and bring it next to the burning switch for a quick access to the water, but since it's an electric switch, pouring water might not be the best idea, so I waited for the go signal on what to do. 

My mom rushed in and out trying to bring as much as she can, my little brother, Egypt picked up the dogs for safety. My dad ran outside to call the firefighters. While waiting for help, my brother and I tried to pick up our valuables, the gadgets and some other things. I didn't bring much as I'm hoping that it will die out. 

We were shouting at each other as we give instructions for each other. People starts gathering outside our house. There are kind-hearted people that provides help, they went in and check what's wrong, we're assisting each other just to kill and prevent the fire from spreading. An old man also gave us a hand by providing a long water host that we can attach to the faucet. 

It's hard to look at it. I don't want to lose a home. 

After back and fort, the fire went from a chair-sized fire to a candle light fire. Someone helped us by cutting the wires so it won't spread through it. The firefighters took the Switch so they can analyze it and find out what happened.

It was fast-paced action. I managed to go to work though but I have never imagined myself in such situation, I never thought that losing our home, my family, my everything can be this frightening.

I was writing this piece few months back and I'm can't help myself but to tear a little. This is traumatizing. 

The good thing is God didn't let this slipped through. 

//BurninUp
//sebajisoka

25 and it's fading

Less than 24 hours before I can bid goodbye to the number 25 and tomorrow will be another day of confusion trying to remember my age. 

25. 

When I was 18, It was my dream to be married at 25. Does dream do come true? Well, in this case, not. I'm not married, but I have a beautiful-hot-girlfriend, so I'm on the right track. 

I dreamed of having a family, a nice house and a tons of money. It's just a dream but, I still have a long way to go. I'll still pursue this. I need more time.

I'm 25, turning 26 and I'm still studying, learning about the things that I'm passionate about. It's kinda sad sometimes. It makes me wanna rush. But yeah. Tomorrow's another day for someone. It's a big day for me. 

Hold on to hope if you got it

Don't let it go for nobody

They say that dreaming is free

But I wouldn’t care what it cost me

//AndItsFading
//sebajisoka

Ayokong Tumanda

About a week ago, TaskUs sent an email to BGC employees inviting us about the upcoming Happy Hour and this is big because they've invited a big name band and they want us to guess.

So this day came to pass. It was itchyworms. This is one of the iconic band in OPM because of their creativity and their unique music.

So, it happened. Though I was somehow disappointed of how some people act. Because you know, this is a mini-concert and almost everyone is raising up their phone to take pictures and/or videos, well I understand that you know, you rarely see big names like this and you don't want to miss a chance to have a photo and video with them. 

But at the start, almost nobody is singing. I was on the back and I wanted to jump and rock on for their first song but the crowd has no energy. Hahahah. Anyway, that's just me. I just want to live in the moment. (I also took some pictures but, yeah. Some)

Photo taken by TaskUs B.E.D. Team. Credits to them

That's not the point of this blog though. When they started playing, I think their first song was "Gusto Ko Lamang Sa Buhay",  it's a good song, upbeat, simple lyrics but full of meaning. But then, their second song is dedicated to those who will celebrate their birthday soon (Ahem) and it's called, "Ayokong Tumanda".

It goes like this:

"Ayokong tumanda
Ayokong tumanda
Ayokong tumanda
Kund hindi ka kasama"

It makes me think that that's what I want now. That's what my wishlist contains. Not the gadgets, not the gifts or the money but I want to grow and spend my life with you, Jasmin.

//AyokongTumanda
//sebajisoka

I'm not sure what happened but it did.

I was holding my heart in me
Not sure of what's going to happen
But with what I can give, 
I believe that it can change her mind

I took a step forward

With the time that I can give 
And sweetness that I can offer
I somehow believe 
That everything will work out

So I took another step forward

I was hopeful 
I built my courage up 
With the script that I've made
This pain won't last long

I took another step.

Everything will be fine
I took another one
It will be great
I took another step
Her mind will change
And another one

There I was, wasting what I can offer..
Trying to build myself up
Trying to write a script for my family and friends about what happened
Because I realized that 

It was not her mind that needed to be changed.
It was her heart. 

//ImNotSureWhatHappenedButItDid 
//sebajisoka

When Will I Stop?

Apparently, there are things that needed to be changed in my life. 

When will be my turning point? That special event that we often see on success stories of different people in different fields.

When will I stop? That moment that we pause and think about the decisions that we're making.

When will I learn? That moment that we realize that everything has to change and it is for the better.


When will I stop being ashamed of what I believe in?
When will I stop listening to those voices that bring shame?
When will I stop being worried about what people think of me?
When will I stop being offended if their opinion is different from mine?

It bothers me that I'm bothered by all of these. What's my limitation? When will I explode? But in all honesty, we have to and need to be better. Success is continuous self-improvement. It's sharpening our mind, soul and body. But..

When will I start sharing my craft?
When will I start standing on what I believe in?
When will I start being careless of their thoughts on me?
When will I start accepting diversity?

When? And how?

//When
//sebajisoka

Giving Your All

Have you tried giving your all to someone?
When I say "all", I mean "everything" like when you love somebody and you gave your all. The attention, the time and there's nothing left for other people like your family and friends?

Or when you're creating something. You're producing, taking pictures or writing a song. Have you tried to give your all that there's nothing left? You put the effort, the time and your focus just to build something out of nothing. 

You're inspired and started creating a masterpiece, decided to give your everything and it's beautiful. Well, that's how they do it.

Not forced and uninspired. Maybe that's really how it works. You do the work, give your all and expect great results. 

Now, I know. But how do I start?

How do we start?

//GivingYourAll
//sebajisoka

How's Your Soul?

Hey!

How is it going? Can I ask you something? 
How are you?
Hmm
No, really.
How are you, how's your soul?

We live in the age where we're aware that depression is real and it kills.
That there is hopelessness and despair. That there is a threat to life.

Where we see the outside happiness and not the inside-and-screaming-pain. It calls for help. What can I do? What can we do?

I don't know where depression is coming from and I know that it sucks and it should never exist. I don't have anything that I can offer but a listening ear and a sincere prayer.

We all know that sometimes life is harsh and judging, but not all. You can still find good people in this world, just know where to look. Someone loves you, don't believe that what they say that nobody loves you. That's a plain lie. Your family loves you, your classmates, workmates and friends. They do love you, and above all. God loves you. 

We're here to listen. Tap me, pinch me, call me. Just let me know. 

I don't know how many people can read this blog, I know that it's just a few but, I want you to know that I'm here. If you need help or someone that you can talk to, call me. And if you know someone, I encourage you to be the listening ear, not that judging one.

Hey!
How is it going? Can I ask you something again? 
How are you?
Hmm
No, really.
How are you, how's your soul?

//How'sYourSoul?
//sebajisoka

Reality

One day, you'll wake up in a sound of an alarm
An alarm that will wake you up to the realities of life
That somehow, somewhere, there's a missing piece in your life
You'll stand up with no eagerness to live
And let everything pass by

It bothers you
But it reflects nowhere
It seems like you're used to it
You're dead inside

You face the reality that no one cares for you
That your dreams were just pale letters on your notes
It doesn't matter
It does not flourish

You were slapped by the hard truth
You've just wasted your time and effort for something that will never happen
That's just it
It hurts

Your day will go by 
Your face on neutral
No one wants to talk to you
No one wants to check on you

This is the fake reality that we try to live in when everything goes on a weird-hard-unacceptable ride.

There is hope.
Somebody loves you - and don't you push those people away from you.
They might never understand you but they love you. They really do.

You still have that passion inside you. Start flaming that up.\
Let's start this journey again, please?

//Reality
//sebajisoka

Dream

In 2011, I posted a blog called "I want to be" where I wrote the things that's interesting to me, also known as, my dreams. 

For your convenience, see the list below. There are some changes and some is still under maintenance. 

i want to be a cook. (I learned how to cook and I think this has been achieved.) 
i want to be a computer programmer. (I know some computer stuff?)
i want to be a production staff. (I'm not sure with this though)
i want to be a computer scientist. (Long lost dream)
i want to be a graphic designer. (Still practicing, I have several projects with this)
i want to be a writer/author. (Blogging since 2009!)
i want to be a bassist. (I now have my own bass, an acoustic bass guitar)
i want to be a guitarist. (I bought my girlfriend a guitar, she can handle this)
i want to be a drummer. (I still want to learn how to play drums)
i want to be a photographer. (I'm currently pursuing this)
i want to be an editor. (I edit some things)
i want to be a photo journalist. (I also have a project for this)
i want to be a director. (I still want to produce a short film)
i want to be a traveler. (I'm travelling with my girlfriend)
i want to be researcher. (Kinda?)
i want to be film editor. (Yes, please)
i want to be a speech writer. (Considering)
i want to be screen editor. (Considering this as well)


I wanted a title in my name, I want to be recognize and all. But God has a different plan for my life. I'm still pursuing what I believe my passion is. I wanted to go after the dreams that God has planted in my heart.

But above all of this, I have a simple dream, I want to have a family that lives in peace and under God's protection and guidance.

So, what's your dream? Have you achieve them? Are you still pursuing it?

//Dream
//sebajisoka

Fears

There are lots of things that goes on and off my head. Particularly, discomfort in the roots of fear. I'm afraid to speak up and stand up for what I believe in. 

I sometimes cover up my silence with the thought that it's okay to be silent. But definitely not okay to compromise my standard and belief. I'm afraid of rejection and judgement. Truth is, it's almost all my life. 

Sadly, fear limits me from what I can do, I'm no good at anything but there's a room for improvement. Fear encapsulates me from the outside opportunities. 

Fear causes worry and worry makes one stressed and when a person is stressed, they often do normal things abundantly or poorly. Either, losing appetite or eating more. Hype or limping. And there's no way it's healthy. 

How can I help myself? How can we help each other?
I am a man with many issues. 

We can be less judgmental and polite?
Or, having a healthy debate than yelling at each other while telling the other person that they are stupid because they disagree with you. 

I can't list all the things that I'm afraid of and make an action plan on how to overcome it one by one but I know this from the start..

That If I live through His message that "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18 [ESV]

I think, I can overcome. Hoping that you do so as well. 

//Fears
//sebajisoka