Captivated

I was aiming for a Legacy and I want to be Brave. But now, I just want to be Captivated. There's nothing more important than this relationship with Jesus. Because we can all leave something in this world, a legacy for instance. But what if trying to be remembered for something does not count in eternity. The one that we're aiming and worked for. 

We can all be brave for something, at something, in something. We can be a fearless fighter with a sword and a shield but at the end you still long for love. 

In 22 years of my existence. There's nothing more, nothing that I desire. But to feel the love and to be captivated by His presence. I just want to pull all the hatred, the anger and the flesh out of me and be alive in Christ. I'm longing for this love. A love that nothing can compare. No one can compete. I'm getting closer to this 'You-should-be-married-stage'. But I wanted still to be drowned in Him. I know I've been lacking in service, in passion and in love for Him but as for this moment. I'm doing my best to be closer to Him. 

Last Sunday, my friends asked me for my wish. Being asked by those kind of questions blanks me out. But I told them to visit my blog and later pull it back and tell them to read my 'site'. It was my runaway and it feels awkward. I wanted to hide somewhere. But I told them that I don't have a birthday wish. I don't want to 'use' my birthday to get something from someone. If I can work for it and pray for it. Then it was given to me. It's for me. If not. Then, it's not meant for me.

"I'm satisfied. Kasi kumpleto na?!" That's my semi-honest answer. Semi-honest because. I'm still far away from Him and there's no contentment with that. "wow, may girlfriend" someone shouts laughing. What If I told you that I actually have one. And she's from the future and we're getting closer. I guess I'm going to put it this way. I'm loved. What more can I ask for. Nothing in this world can fill our hearts but love. Yeah.

Thank You for the 22 years. :)

Your heart is beyond

Any emotion I can hold

Your love is stronger

Than any hurt I can feel

I see eternity

Surrounded in magnificence

Overwhelmed with Your holiness

I'm captivated by forever with You

All glory to Your majesty

Lord You are holy

I hold You high above

I'm carried by Your grace

I'll worship You always

You are my Emmanuel

And this is my prayer. To be know Him more. To love Him more and myself to be less so He can be magnified. 

//Captivated
//twentytwo
//sebajisoka

22

I woke up late, unlike my previous birthdays. I woke up at 9am with an alarm from my phone. I rushed into the bathroom and start preparing for my take off. As usual, Mom and Dad and my little brothers greeted me first. They asked for my plans though they already knew that I'm on a date for today.

Before leaving the house. People on the computer shop shouted at me singing the famous birthday song. I runaway without a response since I don't know how to. with them. I arrived at Starmall at 11am and starts walking around. After an hour I rode a bus on the way to Megamall. It should be on BGC, SM Aura or Bonifacio High Street but I witness this rain, so megamall. 

It feels like forevur when on the bus. I talk to the one of the most important person in my life. Sharing this little moment with me and lending me some influences that shape characters. Defensively saying about the gift that I'm not thinking for this moment 'cause It's not about me. It's about something else.

Talk after talk, and walk after walk. I know it's late for lunch and it's 3pm. Ordered some Chicken and rice with some vegetable and the lovely pizza. Starts praying for the food and for the day and finished everything in an hour. There's a 'keep the change' on the bill and then bid the farewell.

Starts losing the mind on the huge mall. Don't know what to do or where to go but.. The day continues. Thinking of a movie but end up in amusement to sing songs however there's no vacant cubicle. My head spins and circulated around the mall. It's not much of a birthday-day. You know, but it's something to be cherished. Specially, ending the day with this milk tea. Banana Milk Tea.

I start responding on some SMS. Thanking them for the greetings and exchanging teases. It's a lovely day. You don't know what I have here in my mind and my heart. I rode the bus going home. On a roadtrip wishing for someone that I can hold. Someone that will stay with me hand in hand.

It was the longest rode trip evur for a reason. Another weird thing to celebrate my day in a mall doing nothing. You may think that I'm this loner type and forevur alone guy. but believe me, I'm happy and contented. Because I got all I need. From the bag, to the books, to the poloshirt and from the love that He gave to me. His personal love for me. #ThankYouEDFjLKUIHaLKUJBHsAYSDLASKDH

The next day, there are tons of unlimited greetings from my friends at church. All my moms and dads and brothers and sisters around. Handshakes, hugs and waves. From pen and loombands. They're awesome. The worship. The preaching. The groupings. I felt. Love. There might be imperfection but look at the good things. Yeah. 

The service ends and I know I won a battle and a bet. I'm sooo happy. :)
I went home with an unexpected but familiar gift. Last year, Mom's friend gave me a cake. Today, same gift but different giver. #ThankYouMaila 
And mom and dad bought me the all time favorite spaghetti and pancit plus the other all time favorite, her very own caldereta. #ThankYouMamaAndDaddy

Well, some dreams and wishes do come true. And it escalated quickly. I didn't noticed it. And crack this one. Decode it all. Thank you sooo much Lord. :D

//ThankYouAngBabaitNinyo
//TwoTwo
//sebajisoka

21 and It's fading

November 28, 2014

Today, I shamefully break the streak. I noticed that there's always a church gathering whenever my birthday is coming. It's either on a day before or the day itself. So many times, I celebrate my day in the church. Just like today, we have a Night of Worship that I failed to be a part of. I went to Starmall and Festival Mall to buy some stuff for the day to make my self look guapo, I stroll around the mall to fill this unknown emptiness. 

I feel sad for not knowing what I want and what to do. I don't feel that my day is approaching and it's not totally me. Because I have this tons of preparation for my birthday starting the 1st day of my birth month like planning what to do or blogging all day and all month long. I don't know why am I like this. 

I went home with this sadness that cannot be translated to tears. No, it can't be. And then, I put my bag down and the pack of the thing that I bought. I changed my clothes and feel nothing. A null and regrets starts flashing over me. Then I found myself on a nap.

I come up against the day. From late night to the next day. I received SMS and a party on my Facebook timeline. I know it finally came. Then I sleep. 'cause I have a date tomorrow with someone, important. 

//21AndItsFading
//NoColoredBox
//sebajisoka

Riki

Do you love video games?! Computer Games? Console? Tablet? Phone?
You may categorize yourself as a gamer, a 9gagger or a nerd. But I realized something in my way of playing games that I can relate to my life or my view towards life or my characteristic towards life or skills towards life or.. Neh. You know what I mean.

So, I'm going to share from the most controversial game that even teachers, parents and the church is aware: Defense of the Ancient also known as Dota

Wait. wait. wait.. Some of you might be thinking "Kristyano Nagdodota?" I quit playing the game some years ago. Though I sometimes, get into the game when some friends categorize it as a form of bonding, I play. (with lots of enforcement towards my being). Maybe one of the reason that they prohibit the game for some people is not because of the game being evil or something but being strongly attached to it and be addicted to it (that even some girlfriends favorite song is Dota o Ako while they're thinking about the status of their relationship with their Dota Player partner). It costs time and money and school and the future if not prevented. 

By the way, My PC games is either Tetris Battle, The Sims or NBA 2k Series and some other non-popular games. 

My favorite hero in Dota is either Rikimaru, Drow Ranger, Broodmother.

Riki 'cause I love hiding, I want to be invisible as I run around. I don't want to be notice. That I'll choose when to show up. I'm unheard. But the best thing about 'being' Riki is he's a late gamer. That even though I messed the start of the game, If I stick to a better plan of changing ways, I can be indestructible and win the game all the way.

Drow Ranger as the simplicity. Normal attack and he passive skills.

Broodmother, 'cause my favorite hero is Peter Parker, the Tobey Maguire Version 'cause I haven't seen any of The Amazing Spider-man. Yeah. Because Broodmother is a spider and she can hid to the webs and come back as hungry and powerful.

Neeh. I just want to post something today. HAHA! :D 

//Riki
//sebajisoka

Birthday Wish

I really don't have a birthday wish for this year. I'm satisfied? content? because if it's material thing, I don't 'actually' need anything more. I have lists of wants but I'd rather stick to the things that I NEED. And just to let you know, I am Bilingual in regards to my love language. It's Receiving Gifts and Words of affirmation, I told you that for a reason, that is, I sometimes base my presents to the person's primary love language. 

Here's my Birthday Wish.

Be Wise. I pray that I'll be wise with my decision. With all of them, in little ones and huge ones. Like purchasing some clothes or food. In saving money and managing the events within my 24 hours. 

Be Disciplined. I guess this will go with being wiser. Yeah. I'm not well disciplined. So, I'll push myself and train myself to be well disciplined.

Sticking to the goals. For many times in my life, I set aside my goals. Now, there's no time to lose. I'll be sticking to my goals and be the best that I can be. Finishing school? Pursuing dreams. Publishing a book? Starting a business? One by one. Little by little. I'll stick to those goals. Yey Me. 

An Awesome Life with my family.

Yes. ♥

Intimacy with God. Going back to His presence. Building relationship with Him because honestly, and it's sad to say that my spiritual life lessen down. My have my choices and my guilt is eating up my inside. So, my goal is this. To have an intimate relationship with God. That I'll be more passionate of Him, and nothing can shake this faith that I have. I know it will take time and sacrifice but I'm willing. 

I don't know if you can call that a wish but as I type this. I feel like I'm growing up. Yey. I'm maturing somehow. HAHA! Anyway, I'll keep it all into my list of my thoughts and pray over it. So, there you have it my birthday list for my 22nd brithday.

But wait. if you're kind enough to give me a present, my birthday wish will be still last year's. LOL.

//BirthdayWish
//sebajisoka

No Shave November

No shave November is all about cancer-awareness. According to http://www.no-shave.org/ it's "Simple. No-Shave November is a unique way to raise cancer awareness. What better way to grow awareness than with some hair? Show your support and give back.", So it's something like, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Well. I'm participating, though I don't have $10 to contribute but, I have a heart for this. My grandparents, my dad's side, both died of lung cancer. It was a painful journey for young Jabes, specially they are the only grandparents I grew up with. They are my runaway from my mom and dad when they're angry to what I did.  

Anyway, no shave November makes me look like a caveman. A one-handsome-caveman-living-in-a-modern-world. Though my mustache grows rapidly in every direction and my beard is split up for there's no unity within it.

//NoShaveNovember
//sebajisoka

My Great Escape

This may sound silly and pathetic but the ramp down for me speaks for FREEDOM, from Bosses and obligations. It gives me some time to think and be myself again. Because I don't feel like ME. I need to take a break. A pretty long break. because seriously, working with a job that you don't actually love stress you out. You put much effort for a thing that didn't matter to you. You sacrifice your health, time for your family, church services, friends, important events and your life. Yes. It pays you well but what if we dig deeper into our hearts and we found passion, dream and purpose. Will you hold on to that or you will change ways. 

Is this my excuse? The excuse that I create to fool myself to believe in a lie?

People told me that it's dangerous going outside at late night. The graveyard shift taught me that in time of the day, there is evil. No matter what time you get out. Whether it's daytime or night time. We're in the world where good and evil exists.  

Andaming sabe! May maisingit lang.

This is my great escape. I don't know what you think about me now. I regret some things and there's an existing confusion on my head for the decisions that I've made. But I'm pulling my life together, so I can go beyond, through them all. With motivation, inspiration and prayer. I know there are things waiting for me as I search for the purpose for everything.

And yes. I miss my workmates. My officemates. My co-employees. And I don't know how to respond to you guys but I miss you all. I miss dancing on xbox in Market Market, I miss staying in the videoke room while you guys were singing your favorite songs, I miss going to the supermarket to check out some clothes. I miss my bonding with you guys. All those conversation will be remembered. Those sometimes non-sense works of imaginations and our special space for just ourselves. No one can take that away from me, from us.

I also sincerely, apologize for being this annoying guy that can't be reach. And for this decision. I didn't opened up for some reasons but  I hope that you understands. I have a pretty bad record and I hope that I can make it up to you. Sorry.. 

And with all the drama, I say thank you. because one of the reason that I stayed for too long in that career is you. Thank you for the assistance and all the help. For your story. Hindi nyo alam kung pano ako na-bless at na-inspire sa istorya niyo. And I salute you through that. I know you will be rewarded one day. And I pray that in the future. We'll meet again with much more stories and you know, craziness. 

And did I told you that I love you guys?!

//MyGreatEscape
//sebajisoka